more poetry shit. Yours.

i had never loved
all the words in all the world
scrawled on notebook paper
chapters and chapters i've
long since lost
forgotten.
ashamed, perhaps.
you told.

i was alone and
different, from you, from them
so very different and
they knew.

i had never loved then.
not the way you'd wanted.
am i sorry now?
years later, and the distance between us
am i sorry i could not give my heart
so completely?
all i'd wanted was a friend
who would never leave.
i gave what i could give
to passion and need and safety.
watching your face
in the half-dark
loving the moment and
still so empty.
did i break you
the way the rest of the world
saw fit to break me?

i want to be.. someone else (simon)

don't be afraid. i've never given you a reason to be afraid, child. what i do, i do for you, every bruise, the split of your skin, open wide and red, shadows like valleys across the expanse of your pale back.

your spine is a trembling ridge and my fingers contemplate wrapping around it, removing it, reducing you to so much wasted flesh here.

i watch you tremble and it excites me. i smell your fear. you're tempting my control. we've done this before. none of this is really happening. your head is a mess, but-

i've never hurt you.

i'll never hurt you the way you hurt yourself. i am your failsafe. i keep you alive. these white hands are yours. i only give you what you think you deserve.

i'll watch the broken things you do, the way you lie here, eyes wide, your breathing like the fluttering of wings in the still of the night. no matter how awful it is i am still here, you've still got me, your head in my lap. i play with your hair, i tell you things are going to be all right while you bleed onto the bedsheets. it's not all right right now, i know. i wouldn't attempt to say it was. your world is falling down again, love. all in gleaming pieces.

i'm the one that takes the knife from your hand. i'm the one that replaces it with a phone. you shouldn't be alone this way. i know they'll heal but i hate it when you're alone.

i've done such terrible things, but you aren't one of them. you broken gasping thing, you are the most beautiful art i've ever seen, from the oft-hidden scars to the shine of your eyes in candlelight. don't leave this. don't leave me.

i wouldn't be without you.

you wouldn't be without me.

no one else has to understand.