I Am Thankful For the Scars........

i am thankful for the scars.
the reminders, there forever.
for everyone to see,
if they should look.
i am only human.
i have struggled.
i have failed.
and still, despite it all
the world-consuming
soul-numbing
pain of loss
and the loneliness
that came with it...
i've walked on.
my blood
the stepping stones
that no one could ever steal
beneath my feet.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I could let myself be eaten alive with rage.
Screaming from a mountain top
About the injustice of everything,
about the hurt, the helplessness.
But I am not helpless anymore.
And I am not a victim.
I am a survivor of many things
And true,
it has made me harsh and often bitter.
There is a deeper beauty left, however,
When all the girlish naivety was torn away.
Something that will last when youth has long since passed.
Something I can forever be proud of.
You will never
Debase me again.
And whenever I kneel, know I do it
On my whim
For my pleasure.
I am no one's dog.

I am no man's whore.

And every flaw and imperfection I possess
I will use a tool.
I am tired of hating myself
For what I was
And what I cannot be.
Instead, I suppose
I will focus on who I am.
The pain that you gave me-
And what I will make of it.

Cigarette Burns.

I see your fingers tremble
As the idea takes hold.
Eyes hardening, a mask
Sitting across your features.
Facedown, waiting,
Lost in shadows and sweet smoke
Fingers bruising, eyes closed
I bend and
Offer everything, everything.
A willing, eager canvas.
The hint of burning flesh,
Stinging sweetly, the vicious thrill
Like sugar melting on my tongue.

i hate you. i hate what you've done to me, the destruction and rebuilding of a creature so completely incapable of being on her own. that even in love, i cannot find myself. in the day to day of the world i am lost, and angry, and bitter, quick to anger, slow to forgive.

my solace has been him, and even that i'm destroying. i know no other way to be, nothing else to do. i'm losing.

i did this. i killed it with my own hands, tore out the heart of something that could have been so beautiful.

all because i was afraid.

Shhh...

the ivory expanse
of your soft skin
beneath my outstretched palm
just a moment, a mere
second.
of touch.
a look.
a smile.
the thoughts inside my head
delicious.
i'd make you shudder.
i'd make you
moan.
it's been so long, boy,
since i've had my claws
in anyone
able to understand.
i'd love
to give you a taste
of every sin
i have to offer.